Trump taps ‘Ancient Aliens’ guy as Secretary of Space Force

WASHINGTON, DC – Just two weeks after announcing that he is creating a sixth branch of the military called the “Space Force,” Donald Trump announced that he is nominating Giorgio A. Tsoukalos as the Secretary of the Space Force.

Tsoukalos is better known as the “Ancient Aliens” guy, a hit TV show on the History Channel.

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Contrary to popular belief, the “Ancient Aliens” show is actually a documentary on the history of the Earth. Critics have said that the hypotheses put forward on the show are “absolutely absurd” or “fucking ridiculous,” however it turns out that there’s far more truth than fiction. After all, the show is on the “History Channel,” a TV station dedicated to education and promotion of historic facts, so they wouldn’t air a show on their network that was completely and totally full of shit, right?

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The move is consistent with other positions currently held by Trump appointees. After all, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson has said the following:

Some people believe in the Bible, like I do. And don’t find that to be silly at all and believe that God created the earth and don’t find that to be silly at all. The secular progressives try to ridicule it anytime it comes up and they’re welcome to do that.

I think that’s a plausible explanation to how they got built…I happen to believe a lot of things that you might not believe because I believe in the Bible. The pyramids were made in a way that they had hermetically sealed compartments. You wouldn’t need hermetically sealed compartments for a sepulcher. You would need that if you were trying to preserve grain for a long period of time.

Ancient History

The Ancient Aliens star is famous across the internet for exposing many truths that the liberal media won’t tell you. Not even Hollywood is immune from his skepticism:

At a press conference, Trump also announced that he would have William Shatner, formerly Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise and former host of the hit series Rescue 911, installed as Inspector General of the Space Force.

Tsoukalos may not be the space philosopher we expected to get nominated, but he’s certainly the intellectual we deserve.

Kudos to President Trump for being such a forward-looking visionary!

Now YOU can join the Space Force, too! Get this shirt, poster, coffee mug, and more from our store!




h/t to Rodney for the initial idea

(In case you need it explained, and didn’t read the “satire” category at the top of this post, this is satire. That means it’s a joke. It’s not real. Except the stuff about Ben Carson. That’s completely and totally real.)


Written by Dan Broadbent

Science Enthusiast. Atheist. Lover of cats.




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