WASHINGTON, DC – Following news that his friend Roger Stone was arrested as part of the Mueller investigation, president Donald Trump took to Twitter to lament quite possibly the biggest mistake of his 2016 presidential campaign: not hiring Hillary Clinton, so he could finally lock her up.
Speaking to his comrades on Fox and Friends, Trump elaborated on the tweet:
I’ve hired only the best people, and if we’re being fair, and I’m always fair – it’s how I make all these great deals – I’m very fair and people respect that, I never said what they would be the best at. Maybe you thought they’d be the best people at doing their jobs. It’s possible, because really anything is possible, really, if you think about it. These are truly great people who do wonderful things and are the best at many things. And, you know, one of those things also just happens to be getting arrested and becoming convicted felons. Sad!
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When it comes to crooked Hillary Clinton, or you know as I call her, Hillary, we’ve been trying and trying to get the FBI to look into the emails. All these emails, gone! The FBI can’t find them. Where did they go? The cloud? They must be somewhere in the cloud. I keep hearing about it, people say “the cloud.” What does that even mean?
Anyway, we might have actually locked Hillary, or Mrs. Clinton as I call her, we might have actually been able to lock her up if she worked for me. So many great patriots who worked for me are getting themselves arrested, what are the odds?
As Trump noted, this brings the grand total of indictments related to the Mueller investigation to 37 (thirty-seven).
The list of Trump associates who have been indicted includes:
– George Papadopoulos
– Paul Manafort
– Michael Flynn
– Michael Cohen
– 12 Russian GRU officers
– Roger Stone
The list of individuals who have not been indicted by Mueller, or anyone at all, includes:
– Hillary Clinton
– Hillary Clinton’s emails
– The cloud
In case you missed the “satire” category at the top of this article, this is satire. It’s not real*. I photoshopped the tweet. It’s fake. It’s a joke. It’s funny. Laugh a little. If you’re mad about it, blame my friend Alice for the original idea.
*Except the bit about everyone that has been indicted as part of the Mueller investigation. That’s completely factual.