WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump took to Twitter today to announce that he has chosen Saul Goodman as his candidate to fill the vacancy on the US Supreme Court.
Trump later elaborated on his decision to make such a controversial pick in an impromptu press conference held on the White House lawn:
“Saul has been on TV for years now and has never, ever backed down or admitted to wrongdoing when criticized. I like that in a person, because that’s a lot like me. And he stays out there, practicing the law and things, despite all the negative press coverage. You know, that’s something that’s really, really special.”
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Trump added “I’ve seen Saul work people out of really, really tough situations. Really unfair and unfortunate. All he’s tried to do is help people who are in bad situations. You know, when people go to Saul, they aren’t bringing their best or their brightest situations. They’re bringing their worst. Their drug dealers, their rapists, their hard criminals. I have great respect for a guy like Saul who can look at these situations, and he’s seen a lot of situations like this, you know, who can look at these situations and not run away. He faces them head-on and does what needs to be done when it’s time to do the things that need to be done.”
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“Saul is a highly competent lawyer who is able to solve problems and find loopholes in order to protect his clients. He is also reluctant to be associated with violence or murder. And I appreciate that. Violence is never the answer. You know, unless you’re trying to convince someone to stop running their mouth. Then it’s okay. But only sometimes. You have to exercise proper discretion here.”
Goodman has been practicing law in New Mexico for decades now, and recently featured this advertisement on television:
What’s that I see? Albuquerque’s next TV star? It’s you, small business owner! Struggling to make it in today’s fast-paced economy? Thought television advertising was too expensive for you? Well you better think again! You can’t afford not to be on TV! Look at you, you’re a triple threat: great services, great products, and most of all, that face! You’re a star! Wrap it all up in your natural charisma, and bam — you belong on TV! Better watch out for autograph hounds and paparazzi! And it gets better! I can have you on the air tomorrow! Yeah, you heard me right — tomorrow! Better get ready to be famous, Albuquerque! I can make you a TV star for a price you can afford! Call me, Saul Goodman! The world needs to know about you and your business! Call me now!