Researchers find that cheese protects you from death and I don’t care if it’s wrong

Not to be outdone by wine as a replacement to exercise, new research has found that cheese protects from “both total mortality and mortality from cerebrovascular causes.”

So I can only assume that this means that soon, instead of protecting kids at school with kevlar jackets, we’ll be using bulletproof jackets made of cheese.

(This took me a very long time to photoshop.)

At least it’s better than what’s being done currently to address mass shootings and school shootings.

Let’s be real. We know that things that taste good generally aren’t great for you, and things that don’t taste good tend to be healthier food choices. It’s kind of why you shouldn’t get super excited by headlines like this, or headlines about how wine can replace exercise (though this Atlantic article goes into more depth about that). It’s often far more nuanced than that.

But it’s cheese. I have about 3 pounds of shredded cheese in my fridge right now, and three 1-pound blocks of cheese that I smoked that’s currently in my freezer. So this study fits in very well with my personal bias and I don’t care if it’s wrong, cheese is going to make me immortal.

Play in traffic. Don’t get vaccinated. Pour on those essential oils. Cheese will protect you from everything, ever.

The authors of the cheese study found “that among US adults, higher total dairy consumption protected against both total mortality and mortality from cerebrovascular causes. At the same time, higher milk consumption was associated with an increased risk of CHD [Congenital Heart Disease], an association that needs further study.”

So this means we can all go out and eat ALL the cheese, right?

Probably not

Studies like this are very narrow in what they look at, and their results should be perceived as such. There are multiple factors that could lead to this, just like in the infamous “wine is as good as exercise” study. Yeah, they found positive results, but a lot of the people involved were also very active, which likely skewed their findings a bit.

It goes without saying that high-fat diets, like keto, aren’t great for you. In fact, new research found that keto isn’t great for a normal, healthy person to eat.

So, eat cheese if you want to, in moderation.

Or don’t. I’m not your dad.

Written by Dan Broadbent

Science Enthusiast. Atheist. Lover of cats.




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