Trump to visit South Bend, Indiana to survey the damage at Notre Dame

SOUTH BEND, INDIANA – Donald Trump announced today on Twitter that he will be traveling to Indiana to visit what’s left of the historic Cathedral at Notre Dame.

As of press time, the tweet had close to 20,000 retweets and over 70,000 likes.

In an exclusive interview with aScienceEnthusiast.com, Trump explained why it was so important for him to visit the historic location.

“You know, people have been telling me that I should go. So I asked them, ‘do you think I should go visit?’ and you know what they said? I’ll tell you. They said yes. Go. And these are smart people – you know I only hire the best people. And I’ve never been before. Never been. I’ve been close – I have a Trump hotel in nearby Chicago as you well know, and people tell me it’s a really great hotel, right there on the Chicago river, gorgeous. Just beautiful. I love the city of Chicago. Did you know that they told me I shouldn’t build a hotel in Chicago? Really. Believe me. They told me that. They said ‘Donald. Don’t do it. Don’t do it, Donald.’ But you know what? I said ART OF THE DEAL. And that’s how you make deals. Nobody makes better deals than me. Believe me.”

Blast yourself into space with our very real all-over print Catstronaut shirt, or check out one of our other unique designs in our store!

After reminding Mr. Trump about the topic we were there to discuss, he continued:

“Ah yes, Notre Dame. I saw that fire. Man, was that a hell of a fire. A hell of a fire! Have you ever seen a fire that big? I know Obama never had fires that big. Could you imagine if Hillary had been elected president? I bet that fire never would have even happened.”

Trump noted, “It’ll be just like that documentary, Rudy. Wow. What a movie. You know, I always loved Sean Astin. From the Goonies to Rudy to whatever he’s doing now. He’s so talented, so great.”

“With this Mueller report business finally put to bed, it’s good to finally focus on what’s important – seeing the wreckage of the fire. You know they told me that the gold T inside the thing didn’t even melt? That fire was like 1000, 2000, some people even said 3000 degrees. Can you believe that? 3000 degrees. Wow. But that magical golden T, let me tell you, there’s something really, really special about that. Really.”

It’s unclear when the president intends on visiting the holy site, but we will update this article as information becomes available.

While it may seem real, this is satire. Check the category up at the top. Yes, the tweet is fake. I shopped it. If you thought this was real, I’m sorry, but you should totally check out this completely real Twitter thread that explains the Mueller Report extremely well. It’s worth your time.

Special thanks to my buddy Stephen for the idea for this article.