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Hillary Clinton tells Catholic Church: Should’ve just used a pizza place

VATICAN CITY, ITALY – On the heels of yet another major scandal for the Catholic Church, former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has reached out to the the Pope to share some advice on how to handle the massive scandal that is dominating the headlines.

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Still reeling from the two-year grand jury investigation into how over 300 priests sexually abused and tortured over 1000 children, Pope Francis is now getting unsolicited advice on how to publicly address the abuse by priests that he’s so successfully ignored for years.

Until this point, the Pope has been oddly silent about the fact that thousands of children have been sexually assaulted by priests in the Catholic Church.

The Pope responded on Twitter later in the day, saying:

As we all know, Clinton successfully managed to avoid being publicly outed for running (what was at the time) the largest child sex trafficking ring on the East Coast. So it’s safe to say she knows a thing or two about cover-ups.
UPDATE: Since this story’s publication, the Pope has responded to Hillary Clinton saying the

That’s not to say Papa Francisco (as his followers who habla Español call him) is unfamiliar with sex abuse scandals. For decades, the Catholic Church has covered up or just ignored the sexual abuse of children at the hands of priests. So this isn’t exactly uncharted territory for them.

But, I guess this is all part of God’s plan. After all, he works in mysterious ways!

This article was written by our companion site, Alternative Science. Follow Alternative Science on Facebook and on Twitter!

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