Conservatives Are Accusing AOC of Being a Literal Witch Who is Cursing Trump (With the Help of Demons)

I knew that the right was terrified of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), but the religious sect of that particular political cult takes it to a whole new, frighteningly hilarious level.

RightWingWatch recently reported that Dave Kubal, the leader of a group known as Intercessors for America, did a prayer live on Facebook and implored his social media congregation to pray for God to spare America from George Soros and AOC. You see, Kubal believes that actual demons are commanding AOC to attack Trump.

You have no idea how badly I wish I was kidding.

It’s been widely publicized that there is a coven of witches that cast spells on President Trump 24 hours a day, seven days a week. This particular coven is found in the southern portion of New York City.

Um. First of all — where was it “widely published” that a witches’ coven cast spells on Trump all the time? The supermarket tabloids? World Net Daily? Seriously, I make up fake news for a kind-of living and I don’t even remember seeing The Onion run that headline. I mean, Kubal is a man of God though, so he’d never, ever lie or believe stuff that’s utter fantasy, though…So I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt.

So, right in the middle of all of this, the southern district, in the middle of where these witches are doing the 24/7 spell-casting, we find the territory of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Oh, now I see why he was so strangely specific with the geography in his bullshitology report. He had to make the setting of the story somewhere that would fit the narrative of the antagonist’s satanic lair. Since AOC is from the Bronx, that’s where she’ll do her “24/7 spell-casting.”

To be fair to Kubal, he didn’t just imply that AOC is a witch who is taking orders from demons. He made sure to spread his lunacy to others. He named Soros and the judge in the case against Trump’s former attorney Michael Cohen as more evidence of the evils being perpetrated in the Big Apple.

…the southern portion of New York City also happens to be where the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York sits, which is where the case involving Trump’s former personal attorney, Michael Cohen, wasoverseenby Judge Kimba Wood. Kubal then noted that Wood had officiated the wedding of George Soros in 2013, and that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was in attendance at the service.

Now, if you’re thinking that Dave Kubal isn’t the kind of guy who would provide, rock-solid, irrefutable proof of his accusations that a sitting member of Congress is a with in a coven that’s casting evil spells on Trump, then congratulations! You’re an absolutely average person with normal intellect because a bag of used deodorant roll-on applicators would see it too. If the man hangs so much of his life’s work around mythological works of fiction like biblical stories, we all should probably not expect the man to be into providing evidence and stuff.

The danger, I think, in people like this spreading their message is that it can reach people who don’t for whatever reason have their B.S. filters tuned-in properly. If someone is easily duped into believing conspiracy theories, they can be poisoned against an ideology to the point that they can be radicalized against it.

The case against Trump in New York’s southern district isn’t the work of Satan. It’s the work of the justice system. I mean, if you’re poor or a person of color — or worse yet, a poor person of color — it might be considered pretty hellish. People like Kubal help Trump consolidate power among his base, convincing people of the devil’s work behind very legal and very cool law and order operations.

Of course, why I’d ever think religious kookery could be dangerous in this country, I just KKKnow. Maybe I can find some Waco or another who does know. I don’t want to be a Kool-Aid drinker, and all…

Here’s Kubal’s prayer video, courtesy of RightWingWatch.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.